Time for reflection...

It's New Year's Eve, and whilst most people are out celebrating the end of the year and welcoming in the new year I am home while Mia is fast asleep in the next room. My little lady and I just spent an afternoon splashing in a wading pool and bouncing on a trampoline, far from my usual NYE's!!

So whilst Mia is sound asleep, oblivious to all the fuss that is NYE, I am sober and colouring in a colouring book!! It was given to me as a Christmas present, a hint to take time out of my busy life and escape, something I often find very hard to do as I'm always finding a million activities to keep me occupied. I am finding the colouring to be extremely therapeutic and has given me the chance to look back and reflect upon the year that was, and what a year it was!

I finally got to go to my first tour down under race this year in Adelaide, no bike in tow but instead with baby and pram! I returned to work and started the juggling act that is work and motherhood. At times it's been a challenge and there have certainly been some road bumps along the way but I think Mia and I have survived the year! With my promotion and Mia thriving in childcare I would say that both of us managed to kick some pretty big goals (yay for us!)

I've dusted off the cobwebs on the bike and after recently watching some track racing with dad I felt my competitive spark start to return so perhaps watch this space in the new year!!

After separating with my partner earlier in the year I've found myself on a huge emotional roller coaster, sometimes at the highest of highs and other times the lowest of lows. I've learnt a lot about myself this year, and feel like I'm finally in a good place. It's not the life I planned for but I'm happy and that's what is most important. Mia is a happy, well balanced little girl who is extremely loved and cared for by both of her parents and we both play a very important role in her life.

I survived the 1st birthday party and swore no more until at least school!! Something tells me that it won't be the case!! More importantly Mia and I both survived her first year on this earth without any major incident (other than the head first fall out of the cot)!

I got my blog back up and running properly, committing to blog once a week and delivering upon this commitment! Now to keep it up in the new year (I may need a little help from my guest blogger)! Whether anyone reads this is irrelevant to me, I write it mostly for myself, I enjoy writing and it allows me to be creative which is something I don't get to be in my accounting profession! However to those who do read it, I hope you enjoy it!

I laughed and lived more than I have have before, watching this beautiful little girl grow in front of my very own eyes. A little mini me in the making, her passion, stubbornness, problem solving skills and sheer determination are all amazing traits I see in her every day.

I've also cried more and felt more hurt than I ever have before, and at times felt the only thing getting me through was my little lady who needs me more than anyone has. The strength that I have found this year has all been because of her, she makes me want to be a better person each and every day. 

I am more confident with who I am. Mia and I dance and skip in public, we sing loudly in the car as other drivers laugh! We chase each other around at the park, and squeal loudly on the swings. She's allowed me to travel back to the joys of childhood where you have no inhibitions.

With the new year almost upon us, I'm not making any crazy New Years resolutions but I will set some goals. To be greatful for something each and every day, to find 15 mins a day to truly relax, to make exercise a priority as it really does make me a better person! To teach Mia to ride her little pink bike, to dance and laugh everyday and not rush from A to B all the time!

Mia's Christmas Wrap Up!!

It's been awhile since I made a guest blogger appearance and since mummy is running out of blog ideas she thought she'd invite me back to her blog. I think you'll all be pretty greatful too, as I'm far more funny than my mummy!

I'd like to share with you my Christmas wrap up! I'm still not entirely sure what Christmas is all about but I appreciated it a little more this year than last.

My first taste of Christmas was when mum put up the Christmas tree, complete with presents underneath it. Strangely enough she chose to put the tree up high out of my reach, you would think she doesn't trust me. I was very intrigued by this pretty looking tree and even more intrigued by the presents underneath it, I really hoped some were for me!

My 2nd taste of Christmas was a trip on the train into the city to see a huge Christmas tree that looked a million times better than the one mum had up at home (I hope she took some notes for next year). We waited in a line for awhile before I got plonked on some old guy in a red suits knee, needless to say I screamed, seriously isn't mum aware of stranger danger? Apparently this guy is going to bring me some new toys but I'd rather not have any new toys than let him into my house!

My mum seemed to really be getting into the spirit of Christmas this year, we went to Carols by Candlelight which I loved! The music was great, I got to dance and clap along and even stay up past my bed time. She did so much baking, our house permanently smelt like a bakery and she was even so kind as to let me eat some of those tasty star shaped biscuits!!

On Christmas Eve I made sure I left out some treats for Santa and some carrots for his reindeer, I thought you were meant to leave milk and cookies out for the big red guy but mum reckons he'd prefer wine and chocolate, I guess she knows best! On Christmas morning my mum seemed exceptionally happy, singing Christmas carols to me while I drank my milk. When I walked into the lounge room I saw a big bag of presents and a pink bike, all for me!! Maybe this scary old guy in a red suit is not so bad after all. He must know me well as he left me a baby doll, a phone, a tea set and a jigsaw puzzle. Though my favorite thing was the gift bags under the tree!

I was a very lucky little girl, I got to go to 3 family Christmas parties and spend time with all of my grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins. I got to eat so much tasty food, dance to lots of music and have lots of hugs.

Whilst I'm still a bit too young to understand Christmas all I know is that 

I enjoyed the celebrations a lot! So to good food, good fun, good friends and family we (me and mummy!) give thanks!

Greatful

With Christmas only 6 sleeps away it feels timely to slow down for a few minutes and contemplate what Christmas means to me. For me Christmas is a beautiful time of year spent over indulging in good food and wine surrounded by the people that you love the most, your friends and family. Sure it is a hectic time of year and I always manage to make it more stressful than it needs to be! Choosing to bake a million biscuits as gifts for family, the cleaner, Mia's carers and even the cafe owner around the corner! I wouldn't have it any other way though. I love giving at Christmas time, even if it is just the gift of some slightly odd looking gingerbread men! I am thankful to have all of the wonderful people in my life that I do and Christmas is the perfect time of year to show my appreciation to them.

I am thankful that I have a happy healthy little girl. There are so many people out there that aren't so fortunate to be as healthy as Mia and I, and there are many people not fortunate to have children at all. Every night as I kiss Mia goodnight I am thankful for how lucky I am.

I am thankful to be able to live in such a wonderful safe country where I have everything that I need. I am thankful that I have great job that I enjoy and allows me to provide for my family. 

I am thankful for all of my amazing friends and family who are always there for me no matter what.

Christmas is such a happy time of year for me but for many it brings more grief and pain than it does joy. Now that I have a little girl and a family of my own I've decided to start our own little family tradition. Each year at Christmas time Mia and I will donate an item for every gift we receive to those less fortunate than us. I want to raise a thoughtful and generous little girl and teach her that she is very fortunate in life and that there are plenty of others in the world that are far less fortunate than her or I. Whilst she may be too young to understand this year I will be donating some of her toys on her behalf and hopefully brighten up the lives of some small children. As she gets older I will ask her to choose toys that she would like to donate to another little child and explain to her why we are doing this.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas with their loved ones, take the time to cherish this beautiful time of year and reflect upon what you are thankful for.

Raising a little lady!

I like to think of myself as a fairly modern day woman. Career driven, independent and competitive. So when I pick Mia up from childcare each day and see her playing with baby dolls or in the toy kitchen I wonder where she learns such nurturing, domestic behaviors from?! As I stand in the kitchen today, apron on, surrounded by Christmas baking I realise that I may be a modern day woman but I still possess many of the traits of a good little domestic housewife! I love to bake and my work colleagues will surely be appreciative of me tomorrow when I arrive with carrot and apple muffins, shortbreads and fruit mince pies. Perhaps Mia has inherited these traits from me, I don't often bake when she is awake yet I still find her playing imaginary baking in the lounge surrounded by Tupperware and utensils. I love Mia seeing all of the sides of me as I hope that she grows up with balance in life. So far I feel that I'm succeeding! She is already shaping up to be very independent, yet still loves to have cuddles with mummy. She loves to play the role of mum with the baby dolls, but also likes to pretend to be a racing car driver in her little car. She likes to pretend to cook and loves to do the laundry but she also loves to be a little daredevil at the park!

Women really can have it all, they can be career driven and still a domestic goddess in the home. They can be independent yet still lean on others for support. They can be nurturing and loving but still pursue a life of their own.

A little pink bike!

For those that know me well, you would have heard the infamous story about the pink bike. For some of you, this story has probably been heard many times. Despite the incident occurring over 25 years ago it is still very fresh in my memory! 

When I was a young girl (about 7 years old) I asked Santa for a pink bike for Christmas. When Christmas morning arrived I raced into the lounge room to see if Santa had bought me the pink bike that I so desperately wanted.  There was a bike there for me, but it was not pink! Maybe Santa was colour blind or perhaps one of his elves was dyslexic and read my letter incorrectly. Either way there was one very dissappointed little girl who had not received the pink bike that she longed for.  Of course I should have been very grateful for receiving such a wonderful gift, for there were so many other boys and girls that were far less fortunate than I was.  This was the very first bike that I learnt to ride, my dad took me down to the oval and just pushed me off and let me go, he never believed in using training wheels. Maybe that's why now in life I still often prefer to take the difficult path instead of the easy one!!

As I grew older and learnt that Santa didn't really exist, I also learnt the real reason why I received a red bike that Christmas instead of the pink one.  I have 3 younger brothers so my father decided that the bike needed to be able to be passed down to them and as its a bit hard to give a boy a pink bike, they decided to give the girl a red one instead.  I must admit, I felt a little ripped off!  Instead of my pink bike with streamers and a little basket on the front, I was riding around on a red boys bmx (it's no wonder I'm not a girly girl). When it finally came time to hand my bike down to my brother, he didn't even like the red colour and wanted a black bike, so the bike was painted!! I could have had a pink bike after all, we could have painted the pink bike black!!  When it came time for me to get another bike, I had the choice of getting a boy's mountain bike that was the right size for me and could again be passed down to my brothers or I could get the ladies mountain bike that was far too big but would at least last me until adulthood, needless to say which option was chosen!!

Some would say that I am still a little bitter about this whole red v pink bike saga and perhaps I am!! So this year I have decided to give my baby girl the pink bike that I always dreamed of! A super tiny version of a pink bike, Specialized brand nonetheless! I hope that she loves this little bike and that it becomes the first of many for her, I can't wait until she is big enough to go riding our bikes together, to explore the big wide world.  If only they made a matching bike in my size!!

Me

My blogs are often light hearted, and at times even humerous, especially some of the pre baby blogs! A friend and I had a good laugh over some last night as we took a trip down memory lane.  I'm known as someone who talks a lot and often shares too much about my life with others. However I often don't share the serious things, I let people believe that I am a tough strong woman who has it all when in reality I don't.

I never thought my life would turn out the way it has, I always wanted to have a nice happy family, the 2 kids, house with a white picket fence etc etc. Whilst many see me as being a very career driven woman, family has always meant more to me than a career. I feel truly blessed to have the beautiful little girl that I have and she means far more to me than anything else in my life.  I never thought though that I would be sitting here writing a blog about being a single mum.  

Of course my family and close friends all know that my partner and I separated but outside of that I've kept it to myself. I feel ashamed, I feel like a failure and I don't want people to judge me. I would much rather people continue to think that I have perfect life, happy family, great career, good health and all the rest. So when colleagues at work ask me when I'm having baby number two I just laugh and tell them not for a long time, one is enough, but inside me I feel pained.  What if I don't ever have any more children, what if Mia never gets to have brothers and sisters.  I worry about her missing out more than I worry about me having more children.

I feel like I miss out on so much of my precious girls life, when she's not with me my heart breaks as I miss her so much.  I cram a million things into a day just so I don't have time to think.

I envy my friends that are in loving relationships and bringing up their babies together, for I have so many friends with children Mia's age. I hear people make comments about how I'm amazing doing everything on my own, but if only they knew how much I wish that I had their life. My days are always hectic with work and caring for Mia but once she goes to bed at night, the loneliness sets in and I often find myself back at the computer working just to occupy my time. I like having a stressful workload as it gives me something to do.

I am so very lucky to have so many amazing friends and family though that have been here for me every day.  Not everyone is as lucky as me, my support network is fantastic and for that I feel truly blessed. Some think I'm doing it all on my own but I'm not, every day I have support even if it's just an ear on the other end of a phone.

She's not bossy!!

A few times I've made comments that I think Mia could be a bossy little girl as she gets a little bigger. A work colleague last night reminded me that we shouldn't refer to girls as bossy, boys are never referred to as bossy so why do we say girls are bossy? Also is there actually anything wrong with being bossy? We only think there is because of the use of the word! If we say someone in assertive then that's a positive trait, if we refer to someone as being a leader then we generally view them to be a positive role model. 

Why do we see traits that are positive for males as being negative for females? I recall starting a new job in my mid twenties and when being introduced to people I always gave a firm handshake, it was something my dad had taught me, never give a weak handshake.  Yet the following day I heard comments about how my handshake was very firm 'for a female'. In a workplace where men and women should be perceived to be equals then why is that we still make comments like that.  No one would ever make a comment about a male's handshake being too firm.

But it's not just in the work place that we make comments like that, and we are all guilty of it, males and females. If a girl is good at sport too often we say 'she's really good for a girl'. Why do we continue to say these things, why don't we just say 'she's awesome' no one ever says 'he's really good for a boy'.

I want to make sure that I am a positive role model for my little girl as she grows up, I hope that I can raise a strong woman who is successful in life, no matter what she chooses to do.  But I need to make sure that I'm positive in both my actions as well as my words.  So from now on I will never refer to my strong willed little girl as bossy.  She is a leader, independent, persistent and assertive.  These are all amazing traits for anyone to have, male or female.  I will encourage her every single day to be true to herself and do whatever she enjoys doing.  I will teach her to always believe in herself, to never doubt her abilities.  

So next time you see a little girl running around the playground in a tutu and gumboots being 'bossy' instead think of her as being a 'leader' you never know, she could grow up to be the Prime Minister of Our country, the CEO of a big company or the lead drummer in a successful band. 

Celebrating a promotion by caring for baby with gastro!!

2 weeks I blogged about myself having gastro and how hard it is to be sick when you are a mum, at the time I high fived the fact that Mia managed to stay healthy.  Today I was not so lucky, the day started with Mia projectile vomiting a bottle of milk all over me, teddy and the floor.  After vomiting though she was happy and laughing so I thought (wishful thinking) it could be just an isolated incident as that has happened before.  So we finished getting ready and left the house for work and childcare, me still smelling like baby spew.  After being at work for about 30 minutes I saw the childcare number appear on my phone and upon answering learnt that Mia had vomitted up her breakfast so it was a very short lived day at work and off to go collect a sick baby. Probably not a bad thing as I think my colleagues noticed the odour of baby spew, so much so that someone offerred up a bottle of sickly strong cheap perfume to try to mask the stench!

Whilst part of me wanted nothing more than to be there to care for my little girl, the thought of a day dealing with vomit and poo was not really how I wanted to be spending my Friday.  Especially not the Friday where my promotion at work was officially being announced. I can't complain, whilst Mia may have been sick today she sure is a little trooper.  One tough little cookie that clearly takes after her mummy!! 

I was about to say that I feel lucky for receiving a promotion at work, especially now that I am a working mum, but that's exactly the kind of statement a woman would make.  Yes I guess I am lucky, but I earnt it based on my performance, I've proven that I can still deliver a high standard at work as well as being a great mum to my little girl.  Yes sometimes I have to compromise and more often than not, that compromise is work as Mia will always come first. Yes I often spend my evenings on the laptop finishing off some work but if it means leaving the office at a reasonable hour to spend time with my gorgeous girl then that is exactly what I will do.  

So here's to my promotion and surviving a day with a baby with gastro, definitely much easier caring for a sick baby than trying to care for a healthy baby whilst being sick!! 

I may not be out celebrating with friends over wine (my body will probably thank me tomorrow) but I am about to sit down to a home cooked chilli & garlic prawn pasta with a glass of wine. I have Magic Mike 2 in the DVD player and a tub of chocolate icecream in the freezer, not to mention a baby peacefully sleeping in her cot. So not such a bad Friday after all!!

Outsourcing

I've always been known as someone that likes to take on the world. I often over commit and I thrive off being busy.  But I have finally reached a point where even I realise my limits and know that it's time to ask for help.  I've taught myself that it's okay to get help and that you don't need to be superwoman all of the time (just when it counts!)  Now that I have taken on the daunting task of returning to full time work, I need more help than ever!! Last week I took on the task of hiring a cleaner, she came highly recommended to me by a fellow mum, but as I have extremely high standards I was a little nervous about whether she would live up to my expectations.  I need not have worried, when I returned home from work on Tuesday to a house that was sparkling from top to bottom I realised I had just hired an angel!! She must have moved every piece of furniture in the house as she seemed to have uncovered a million odd dusty socks, toys and other bits and pieces that had obviously been hiding under furniture that I clearly don't clean under! Considering I think that I am fairly thorough she certainly put my cleaning to shame, she even went so far as to pull apart and clean the coffee machine!!

With a cleaner hired, it was time to start a much tougher task of finding a nanny to care for Mia a few hours a week so that I could work from home one day per week.  Having had success in hiring a nanny previously I wasn't anticipating too many problems. I am now 3 interviews down and with no success, yes I may be fussy, but when it comes to finding someone to care for my precious baby girl I feel that I have every right to be as fussy as I want.  The first nanny seemed lovely enough but was clearly a smoker, and whilst I know that one should not discriminate, I don't want Mia to be in the care of someone who smokes.  The second nanny seemed a little odd on the phone, however as I could tell she was driving at the time I thought perhaps she was just a little distracted so gave her the benefit of the doubt.  She showed no interest whatsoever in interacting with Mia, in fact she seemed to be generally disinterested in life full stop, definitely not the kind of person I want my daughter spending time with. Nanny number 3 was nice, though seemed slightly too young and immature. With another 3 interviews lined up for next week I am hoping that one of them will be a winner.  Currently I'm putting my money on the 70 year old that lives around the corner. In speaking to her on the phone she certainly doesn't sound like a 70 year old!! She has an iPhone and sends text messages using the word 'ditto'. She also mentioned that she regularly frequents coffee shops near my home and would love to take Mia for babycino's, I'm sure if Mia was conducting the interviews then she would win hands down!!

Online Shopping

I've always enjoyed a bit of online shopping, I've been known to find many a bargain on eBay, do all of my Christmas shopping online in search of the perfect gifts and purchase many cute handmade items from Etsy. 

This year though more than ever I am embracing the world of online shopping. As a time poor working mum the last thing I want to be doing is spend my weekends shopping with a baby in tow, so I often find myself shopping online once the bubba is in bed!! Sometimes in search of a bargain, other times just for the pure convenience. Tonight for instance, running low on summer clothes to send Mia to childcare in I decided to jump on the Target website and bag a few bargains, orders of over $75 are delivered free so not only do I save myself a trip to the shops but it gets delivered to my door for free, and $75 at target can go a long way for a baby (2 dresses, 2 shorts, 4 t-shirts and a play suit). If only I could spend $75 on myself and get that many new clothes!!

Bonds is another wonderful website for kids shopping, again with free shipping, and bonds permanently has sales on so you never pay full price for anything.

eBay is often my go to place when searching for clothes for myself, I often buy secondhand clothes that people like me have bought, worn once and then realised will never wear again.  As long as you shop brands that you know your size then you can do pretty well out of it.  Another trick for eBay shopping is to set up your bids using bidscheduler which enables you to set you maximum limit and places a bid just seconds before the auction ends.  I have won many an item using this site!! It can also be a great place to sell some of those unwanted clothes in the wardrobe, brand names in good condition can often get quite good prices.

I also love internet shopping for when you are trying to search for that perfect gift for someone, Etsy and handmade.com.au are great sites for picking up unique gifts.

Probably my favourite part of online shopping though is having packages delivered, with very little snail mail these days and mostly only bills it's like getting presents in the post, even if you did pay for them yourself!! There is something just a tiny bit exciting about receiving and opening packages, or perhaps that's just a sign of how boring my life truly has become!

One sick mumma

In having just survived a terrible gastro filled weekend I realised that in the midst of my sickness the blog was forgotten about, the only positive is that a weekend of gastro certainly gives me something to blog about.

Parenting can certainly be a tough gig, it has it's ups and downs, though I've certainly experienced far more ups that I have downs. Saturday morning I hit my rock bottom moment in parenting when I discovered that it is really not much fun to be sick whilst trying to care for a demanding one year old.

Waking up on Saturday morning I felt a bit queasy but I decided to push on with the day, hoping that it would pass, I was hoping the power of the mind would be stronger than the body! So Mia and I continued on our Saturday morning ritual to our local cafe for a coffee and a babycino. In hindsight this was the worst possible move and I fear I have now put myself off coffee for life.  Let me assure you, coffee might taste nice going down but it certainly doesn't coming back up. I spent the majority of the morning with my head over the toilet, with poor Mia having no idea what was going on, crying whilst I was vomiting and then curiously peeping into the toilet bowl to see what was going on.

Mia clearly sensed something was not right and at one point whilst I was lying on the lounge floor as she played she waddled off into her bedroom and reappeared with her teddy and a sleeping bag, giving me the teddy and putting the sleeping bag on top of me.  She must have thought I needed a nap and when she needs a nap she goes in a sleeping bag and cuddles teddy, despite how sick I felt this was truly a precious moment.

By lunchtime I was miserable and it was off to the chemist to get anything I possibly could to make me feel better, a sight I must have been to the pharmacist as I was in tears, emotional from being sick and struggling to look after myself, let alone Mia.

I put in a rescue call and was extremely lucky that my mum was able to come over for the rest of the day to care for Mia, I think Mia was slightly relieved when Gran arrived too as I think Mia was starting to wonder how much longer she was going to have to look after mummy rather than mummy look after her.

I hate being sick at the best of times but when it ruins a beautiful Saturday that could have been better spent having fun with my munchkin then I hate it even more.  Thankfully Mia has managed to not get sick, and hopefully it stays that way!! 

Triathlon of a different kind!

Pre baby I used to get up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning and cycle for countless hours to train for triathlons. Post baby I am still getting up the crack of dawn but instead of training for triathlons I'm completing one of a very different kind!!

The alarm goes off at 6am and it's pre transition time, fuelling time (for baby, not me!). A happy smile always greets me as I enter her room with bottle and teddy in hand, big good morning hugs for teddy as she gulps down her milk, such a peaceful time of the day as I hold her in my arms knowing that all too soon she will be too big for this. With the bottle slammed down it is time to commence leg one of the day! 

The breakfast challenge commences with me attempting to cook eggs and make coffee with a toddler at my feet emptying out the Tupperware cupboard.  Has a whole room of toys that she could be playing with but of course if I'm in the kitchen so too is she.  With brekky cooked we sit down to eat our avo and eggs and drink our coffees (babycino of course for the baby!), eggs and avo are everywhere and then of course teddy has to join and eat brekky too, then dolly and penguin.  Before I know it I'm hosting a very messy breakfast party, all whilst having to read "where is the green sheep".

With leg one out the way we transition to leg two. This transition is always a challenging one and can take anywhere from 2 minutes to 10 minutes depending on how co-operative the little monkey wants to be. It's time to get dressed and change the horrendous smelling stench coming from one tiny little human. If nappy changing was a race I would be losing today, it's like trying to hold down a wriggling octopus whilst trying not to get poo everywhere. Finally after an extremely long transition we are set for leg 2 and we're off to the park to burn off some energy.  Melbourne weather has finally started to warm up and it's so nice to be able to leave the house early in shorts and t-shirt, it also makes life much easier getting the tiny human dressed when not having to wear 5 layers of clothing.

I don't know who burns off the most energy at the park as I chase around after a laughing squealing baby that now runs rather than walks (I wonder where she gets that from). 

We go our seperate ways for leg 3, baby goes down for a nap while mummy crams in a session on the wind trainer. There is nothing better than the taste of sweat as I work through 15 x 1 minute sprints. No more 4 hour rides, I train smarter now with short sharp sessions that can fit into nap times or work lunch breaks.

It's not even 10am and already it feels as though we've achieved so much, soon baby will be up and we still have a whole day of adventure left ahead of us.

No baby = booze, no biking and no baking!

The plans were to have an extremely productive long weekend, those plans went out the window after one too many (or perhaps 5 too many) wines on Friday!

It's not often I get the chance to go out drinking these days and that's probably a good thing as I really don't handle alcohol very well. So with Melbourne turning on a cracker of a day on Friday and the added bonus of a new public holiday I took the opportunity to catch up with some friends for a couple of wines in the sun on Friday arvo. The intention was to have a couple of drinks, drive home, prepare gourmet food for Grand Final BBQ and be in bed nice and early so that I could go cycling in the morning. Well good intentions were out the window after my 3rd glass of wine, next thing I knew it was 10.30 and I was extremely drunk and in a taxi on my way home feeling rather sorry for myself. Luckily there was one lonely lemonade icy pole in the freezer waiting for me on my arrival home. Mental note to self 'always have lemonade icy poles on hand' actually scrap that, just don't drink alcohol!!

Needless to say there was no gourmet baking happening and when I awoke at 5.30am Sat and could barely walk there wasn't going to be any cycling either.

So instead of turning up to the bbq with a kale, buckwheat and spicy pepita salad and a sugar free, gluten free, dairy free snickers cake I turned up with chips, dip and cheese (thanks Woolworths!)

The bbq was great, the baby had fun, if fun is to be measured on a scale of how much food you can eat and how dirty you can get then I'd say she had a 10/10 day! And with baby in tow and still nursing a hangover I steered clear of any booze and had a wonderful afternoon with friends (thanks Tom and Chloe for hosting).

Balance is the key!

The key to riding a bike is balance, no balance and you'll find yourself face first on the asphalt! The key to success in life is no different, it's all about balance, however finding the right balance in life is somewhat more difficult than balancing on a bike (unless of course you've had a few vino's, then balancing on a bike can be a little more challenging).

After a relaxing holiday in the sun last week, I have come back refreshed with a new lease on life and a clear vision of what I want (though that could just be my 2nd glass of wine talking). I'm having success in my career and actually feeling really positive in this space, I finally feel like I've found my balance in the work/mum juggling act that isn't always easy. My fears of no longer being successful in my career have disappeared as I realise I am still the same career focused woman I have always been, only difference is it's now not my number 1 priority in life.

Last Sunday I enjoyed a great ride with some great friends on a sunny Melbourne spring morning, and whilst my fitness is nothing like it used to be, the chance to get out and ride and chat and be me was such an amazing feeling and a great way to spend a Sunday morning. Lately I've found it all too easy to find reasons not to exercise, too tired, too busy with work, wanting to spend time with Mia. Sunday made me realise just how much I need exercise to be me! It's who I am, it's in my blood, not just going to the gym but getting out in the fresh air and going for a ride or a run. It's been almost 2 years since I last ran and for the first time this week I had the desire to run again, though given a weak pelvic floor this could end in disaster! 

I even baked this week, healthy treats of course! Yes I'm a bit of a nanna, but baking is therapeutic and good for the sole! Plus it gives Mia and I healthy treats to snack on. I think Mia is thanking her lucky stars that she's got a mum that loves cooking so much!

The time spent with Mia this week has been better than ever, as all I've done is focused on her during that time, the dishes and chores can wait, work can be done when she's in bed and I've set aside time just for me. It's amazing how much more you appreciate time with a child when you are completely present and attentive and not worrying about jobs that need to be done. Though Mia is a pretty good little helper so we do manage to do washing together, just need to teach her to only take clothes off the clothes line when dry not wet, and to put clothes in the drawers not take them out. I've not rushed bedtime once this week but rather let her choose books for me to read, the squeals of delight as she chooses another book is music ever to my ears and I don't even care if I'm creating a child that will ask for millions of stories before bed time!

I want my little girl to see me for me, not just me as mum. I want to be the best female role model that she has in life, I want to teach her that she can be whatever she wants to be and that you don't have to make choices in life because you really can have it all, sure you may need to prioritise, but with the right balance you really can have it all.

Time to be me!!

Here I sit 30,000 feet in the air with a small sweaty child fast asleep in my lap, one chubby little hand resting on my arm with the other at her mouth as she sucks on her thumb. I sit watching her sleep and wonder how I got here, how my life went from travelling overseas carting a bike bag to travelling to Noosa with a pram and an infant. We've just had the most beautiful week away enjoying some precious mother daughter time in the sunshine, away from all of the stresses of day to day life where the only decisions we needed to make each day was where to have our morning coffee and babycino. I love my little girl more than anything in the world but as we sit here now, me willing her to stay asleep so that she doesn't annoy the uptight couple to the left of us, I think about my old life. A life filled with training long hours, working even longer hours, being spontaneous, socialising over wine and good food. It's amazing how something so small can change your life so quickly and so drastically. Whilst I wouldn't change anything about my life (asides maybe winning lottery and moving somewhere on the beach!) I find myself at times missing me, not necessarily missing my old life but missing 'me'. I feel I am now suddenly defined as a mum, that when I gave birth the old me disappeared and I suddenly just became a mum and that was who I would be from now on. I find myself making career decisions not based on what is best for me but what is best for my family, I no longer spend hours training and keeping fit, but rather try to cram in 40mins at the gym on a lunch break. I am envious of those friends that are still childless that can enjoy the luxury of a weekend sleep in, can laze around having brunch and reading the newspaper and can spontaneously go out for dinner and drinks to fancy restaurants.

My daydreaming is suddenly interrupted by a sudden wetness and warmth seaping into my shorts as I realise that the small sweaty infant in my lap has just weed on me, I regret now not having changed her nappy before we got onto the plane, though I am thankful that it's only wee and nothing else! As a piercing scream from another child startles the one on my lap I am quickly bought back to the reality of motherhood, changing nappies, singing songs, playing games and doing anything to keep her happy for the remainder of the flight.

As I disembark the flight I vow to be the best mum I can possibly be to my daughter but I also now make a promise to myself to regain some of me. For regaining my own identity will only make me a better mother and role model to my gorgeous little girl. It's time to stop feeling selfish for having time to be me, to dust off the bike and get back on the road!

Week 2 not so smooth sailing!

Whilst week one of my return to work was a success I can't quite say the same for week 2.

On Monday morning there was no bouncing out of bed at 4.45am in the morning, the snooze button on the alarm was indeed pressed as week 1 had perhaps taken its toll on me (though I would never admit it). I left Mia in the care of my mum for the day and it was off to work for week 2! Upon arrival at work I parked my car in a 2 hour parking spot as I needed to take it to the mechanics, at 1pm I realised that not only had I completely forgotten to take it to the mechanics but it was still in the 2 hour parking zone. Of course I received a parking fine so it was an expensive start to the week!

Tuesday I did manage to drag myself out of bed at 4.45am and off to the gym, as I always feel so much better after exercising, it was a positive start to the day until I got Mia up and she was coughing like crazy so there was no way I could send her to childcare and only a little over a week into being back at work I was already needing to take a day off to care for my little girl (secretly not complaining though as loved the cuddles I got from my sick little princess). Rookie error though and I had not bought my laptop home the night before and there was work that needed to be done so in between Mia napping we made a mad dash into the office to pick up the laptop so that I could at least accomplish some work when Mia was sleeping.

Wednesday we had Mia's 6 month immunisations which she handled like a a little trooper, her middle name Charlotte means strong and that she certainly is!! I have been extremely lucky so far with Mia sleeping through the night since about 3 months old but not this week! Of course she decides upon my return to work that she will start waking during the night. I don't know whether she is going through a 6 month growth spurt, teething, having reactions to the immunisations or just unsettled due to her cold but she decided it would be great to wake up at 1.30am and took awhile to resettle.

Thursday morning she seemed well enough to send to childcare so it was off to work and care for us.  I spent the day unable to focus 100% at work as I was worried about Mia and was really wishing I was cuddled up on the couch with her instead of her being sick being cared for by strangers. I started to doubt my decision about returning to work so early. We also experienced our first day care mix up with Mia returning home with another child's shorts and without her sleeping bag!

Finally it was Friday, only one more day to get through before getting to spend my weekend with Mia, having been up for 1 1/2 hours settling a sick bubba at 3am it was definitely a 2 cups of coffee kind of morning! Knowing Mia was safe and sound in the comfort of her own home being cared for by a nanny made the day at work a lot easier. Until 3pm it was a relatively uneventful day and then somehow whilst walking back to my desk I managed to snap one of my heels resulting in me having to hobble around for the remainder of the afternoon. Made all the more frustrating by the fact that I had recently paid $20 to have the ends of the heels replaced, looks like a shopping trip for new shoes on the weekend is in order.

We finally made it to the weekend and it is safe to say that Mia and I will both be having a very quiet weekend!

Survived week 1!

I am pleased to say that both Mia and mummy survived week one of me being back at work! Unfortunately week 2 is not quite going to plan, with little miss already sick with her first childcare illness!

After our last minute childcare debacle I am extremely comfortable with the new centre we found for Mia and my transition back to work last week was made all that smoother with the comfort of knowing that my little bubba was being well looked after by some wonderful carers.  In fact Mia enjoyed her days at care so much she didn't even want to know me when I went to pick her up, she was too busy playing with new toys and new friends! This did make me feel a little sad, knowing my bubba could survive just fine without her mummy, whilst this week has been hard with Mia being unwell it is nice to know that in times of pain all she wants to do is snuggle up close and have some cuddles with her mummy and that she does need me after all.

Returning to the office it was as though I had never left, a few new faces around the office but not much has changed and I felt like I hit the ground running. I always thought the most challenging part of returning to work would be leaving my little girl, of course I found it hard saying goodbye to her but I did surprise myself and didn't shed a tear as I dropped her off at care with her smiling little face looking at me as if too say "I'm ok mummy, you don't have to worry about me, I love you and I'll have fun today". I also thought that I would struggle to focus on my job as I would be constantly thinking and worrying about my little girl, but again I surprised myself, of course I thought about her during the day and I did miss her but I was able to focus on my job.

I actually loved being back at work, though it could just be a novelty factor, so will see if I am still saying that I love work in a months time!

I did quickly realise a few things upon my return to work:

- wearing heals after 6 months of wearing sneakers and thongs was painful 

- 1 coffee a day is no longer going to cut it, though 3 coffees is probably 1 too many

- it is awesome being near the Sth Melb market again, hello cheap avocados and nice fresh seafood

- the task of leaving for work in the morning requires a lot more coordination and effort as I have to organise not only myself but also my mini me

- no longer can I get home from work and collapse on the couch with a glass of wine, for when I get home from the office my other job begins and the challenge of dinner, bath and bed becomes all that more challenging after being at work for the day

- I now have to get up at a time that begins in a 4 if I still want to squeeze in some exercise before work! I always used to have the rule that no alarm should ever be set beginning in anything less than a 5!!

- it is exhausting having to use my brain again

- using excel is like riding a bike but PowerPoint still frustrates the hell out of me

- the weekends are now awesome because the time I do spend with Mia is so much more special

Dear 6 month old Mia

When I was pregnant I wrote a blog to my little girl, I'm now writing another one to her 6 months later.

To my little girl,

It's hard to believe that it's been 6 months since you came into my life, at times it feels like it was only yesterday that I held you in my arms for the first time, at other times it feels like a lifetime ago. In 6 short months you have grown and changed so much, every day you seem just that little bit bigger than yesterday and you seem to learn something new each day.  Your cheeky little grin melts my heart, your signature photo pose of poking out your tongue makes me smile and the way you munch down food like the Cookie Monster makes me laugh. I sometimes wish I could freeze time and keep you this small forever, other times I wish you would grow up quicker so that I can teach you to ride a bike, take you to the zoo and have you read to me.

I'm now back at work which means we no longer get to spend all of our days together but when we are together we can have even more fun because the time together is now so much more precious. As much as I hate being away from you I know how much fun you are having at childcare with the carers and all of your new friends.  It makes me a little sad knowing that you now have a life of your own that I'm not part of.

I love the way your little face lights up when I get your bed time story off the shelf, it's like you know that you get a few more minutes before you have to go to sleep. We read the same story every night "Mr Brown can Moo, can you?" by Dr Seuss, your Pa Mick gave it to you and you absolutely love it, especially when Mr Brown makes a grum grum grum noise like a hippopotamus chewing gum.

I love watching you wriggle your way around the lounge room until you make your way to your favourite hiding spot, underneath the couch! I love seeing the look of determination on your face as you try to reach for that toy that is not quite within your reach and you wriggle around until you get there. You're not crawling yet but still you manage to move around a lot, I wouldn't be surprised if you are crawling soon. I love the way you kiss and also attack the baby in the mirror, I'm not sure if you have realised yet that the baby is you!

You are such a happy little girl, yet you are not what I would call placid! You certainly take after your mummy, always on the go and determined to do whatever you set your little mind too. Sometimes I wish you weren't so energetic and would enjoy having cuddles on the couch with mummy but you are so squirmy and will rarely sit still for more than a minute.

Love Mummy 

xxx

Last week of maternity leave

The past 6 months have gone a lot quicker than I ever could have expected and as I sit here quietly enjoying a relaxing coffee whilst Mia is napping I have a little tear in my eye as I realise this is my last Monday at home before going back to work. My last Monday spending the day with my little girl, playing games, singing songs, cuddling her, feeding her and settling her to sleep.

I've spent the past couple of weeks trying to get into the headspace of returning to work, and I think I have successfully managed to achieve this. I have made a list of all the things I want to set out and achieve this year at work, already arranged meetings for my first week back and genuinely looking forward to the challenge of using my brain for something other than creating rap songs for Mia! However no matter how hard I try I still can't seem to come to terms with the thought of leaving my little girl in the care of others.  I try so hard to focus on the positives; she will become more socially adjusted, she will learn that there are other people she can trust, she will be stimulated more, she will have fun, the time I will spend with her will mean so much more. Yet I find myself focusing far more on the negatives; what if she doesn't sleep properly and is always tired and grumpy at home, what if she hates it and cries there, what if she resents me for leaving her, will she end up sick all the time? I've made a list of about a million questions to ask her carers when we start orientation tomorrow, I fear I am becoming that painful, over protective mother! I have also decided to reach out and seek the support of other career driven women that have returned to work with young babies in order to widen my support network and have some guidance to help me navigate through this difficult time. I'm sure that like anything in life there will be an initial adjustment period for both Mia and myself but that once we find our rhythm we both won't know the world to be anything different.

So for now I am going to try to relax, block work out of my mind for one more week, enjoy this precious last week at home with my little girl (would appreciate it if Melbourne would bring back summer though) and go to the chemist and stock up on tissues and water proof mascara for Mia's first day in childcare.

Mia's Holiday Adventures - The Finale

So my very first holiday has come to an end and I am now safely tucked up in the comfort of my own cot in my own home. Yesterday was a great day, we started off with a trip to Henley beach but it was way too cold to go swimming, I wasn't even upset when mum said it was too cold, I was nice and cosy in my pram. Of course we stopped for mum to have her daily caffeine fix, I am starting to see a correlation here between the number of times I wake up at night and the number of coffees mum has the next day. I was then hurried back to the hotel for a nap so that I could be on my best behaviour for the afternoons viewing of the tour down under final stage. We spent the afternoon watching the cyclists race through the streets of Adelaide, well I watched a little but mostly just snoozed in my pram, one of the best perks of being a baby is having your masters push you around everywhere. During the times that I was awake I turned on the charm and made lots of friends with other spectators, one old lady was even so nice that she gave me a bell to use to cheer on the cyclists, strangely enough my parents seem to have conveniently misplaced this very loud bell.

The highlight of my day though was definitely my luxurious spa bath in the kitchen sink of the hotel, after 3 nights of crying in the bath my parents decided on a new strategy and bathed me in the kitchen sink, it was awesome, I could see the TV and it was the perfect size for me so I kicked back and enjoyed it.

After I had gone to bed my parents sneakily had some ice cream which upset me greatly so I decided that I would wake and cry on the hour until mum gave in and got up and fed me, see I told you boobies fix everything!

I was again rudely awoken at some ridiculous hour of the morning so that we could drive home as quick as possible, with my parents hoping that I would sleep most of the car trip.  This time it was mum that was in spy mode, scooping me up from the porta cot and carrying me carefully down to the hotels basement, but I was on to them this time and it took the vacuum cleaner blaring out the car stereo before I finally fell asleep. I was actually on good behaviour today, no poonamis in the car, I snoozed a lot and I only got cranky as we got close to home. 

I enjoyed my first holiday but I am very happy to be back home with my toys and in my own cot, I think next time we go away I'll request the big bed and the parents can try sleeping in the porta cot and see how they like that stupid thing.

Mia's Holiday Adventures - Day 3

Another poor nights sleep in the porta cot, this time my parents parked my cot in the hallway next to the front door so that I was away from their room, that was such great parenting, umm hello if someone broke in they would grab me first. 

Again my day began with a trip in the car, luckily only a short trip to some waterfalls, I really wanted to go for a swim but apparently the water was too cold for babies. On the stroll to the waterfalls I managed a decent spew all down the front of me and onto dads foot, he wondered why suddenly his foot felt warm. I posed for some photos, of course with my tongue sticking out, that is my signature pose if you haven't worked it out by now.

In the car again, seriously, as if we haven't already done enough driving This time I decided to just oblige and take a nap, that was until they stupidly stopped the car 20mins from our destination and I of course woke up grumpy.  It was definitely pay back time, it was time for a poonami, mum was the first to smell it but they didn't stop to change me, just kept driving, bad move! Arrived at 'the shack' which was really nothing like my Pa Mick's shack, dad got me out of the car and soon realised that I was covered in poo! But don't worry about me, they were more concerned about whether there was poo on the precious car seat. I really had done a very good job of the poonami, not only was it a stinker but it had leaked out both the sides of my nappy as well as up the front and the back, a complete outfit change was required, more washing for mummy!

Finally I was having a fun day though, I got to eat food, roll around on the grass, terrorise a puppy and go for a ride in a boat.  I wanted to try water skiing but again the parentals said something about me being too small, will I ever be big enough to have some real fun? I said I could just barefoot it but they thought that was a silly idea.

Of course the day would not quite be complete without a melt down on the drive back to the hotel, I waited until we were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic before making it well known that I did not want to be in the car.  First dad climbed into the back seat but I still cried, then mum got out of the car and swapped with dad, I just cried harder. Mum gave up and did something very naughty, she took me out of my car seat and fed me (we were stopped in traffic) I instantly stopped crying, boobies will always fix everything. Luckily we didn't get caught by the police though, I didn't want a criminal record before I turn 1.

Mia's Holiday Adventures - Day 2

A bit weary this morning, am hoping that mum has a coffee before she feeds me so that I can get my caffeine fix for the day, I was tossing and turning in that uncomfortable porta cot all night, but don't worry, I made enough noise to also ensure that mum was kept awake too. She'll definitely be needing coffee today!

After my morning nap I get dragged back to the car, oh no not another long car journey.  I protested as loud as I could to make it known that I was not going to co-operate in the car today.  Lucky for me (and for my parents) it was just a short car ride and we were at the beach, I'd never been to the beach before I couldn't wait to roll around and eat some sand.  Unfortunately my parents had different plans for the day, we weren't at the beach for me to play we were here to watch the start of the tour down under stage, boring, think I'll just snooze through this part of the day. Upon waking I thought they would for sure let me eat some sand, but no, they took me down to the beach just to take photos of me. So I still haven't really been to the beach even though my parents photos say otherwise.

I soon realise this day is not about me at all as before I know it we are lunching with some of dads friends, I see 4 plates of food arrive at the table, umm am I invisible here? No I don't want the cucumber off your plates I want my own plate of tasty food or even some milk would do. 

Mum decides I need a proper sleep so we are off back to the hotel but dad has another much more fun idea and we're now off to the pub! Mum forces me to nap by squeezing me into that stupid pouch thing she wears, I feel like I'm a baby kangaroo, it's so hot in here. After my nap I turn up the dial on my cuteness and suddenly everyone in the pub turns their attention to me rather than the TVs showing the tennis and cycling, I don't understand why no one would let me drink a glass of the stuff dad was drinking though?

Mia's Holiday Adventures - Day 1

Mum said my guest blogging this week was so popular that she's let me have another turn!! I'd like to share with you my first holiday adventure.

Day 1

I was deep asleep (well not really I'd been tossing and turning all night because it was so hot) when the door to my room opened and someone snuck in. I though I was being baby napped or starring in Taken 4 but it was ok, just dad! I was whisked out of my cot and straight into the car, very odd as it was the middle of the night. We drove for what felt like forever, but I guess for a 5 month old a day is a very large percentage of my very short life so of course it feels like forever.  

After about 6 hours I was completely over this car ride, I decided it was time to get back at my parents and do a poonami in the brand new car seat, have been saving one up for a few days. After I had filled my nappy I of course didn't want to be sitting in it so I started protesting, my parents kept shushing me telling me to go to sleep, finally they realised that a stench was wafting through the car and then the panick in their voices with mum asking dad if he'd put the nappy on tight enough, turns out he did so the parents won this time and the car seat survives another day. They were then so desperate for me to sleep that they blasted the damn vacuum cleaner noise through the stereo, I hope they realise that I will never be able to vacuum a house without falling asleep.

Upon finally arriving in Adelaide I was keen to check out the Tour Down Under, I was hoping my parents would take me to the expo so that I could get a bike and join in, but no such luck, they are such party poopers. They wouldn't even let me share in the driving for our mammoth car trip, said something about me being too little and not able to reach the peddles.

Blog by Baby - Final Instalment

So it's now the end of the day and I'm being sneaky writing this from my cot when I'm supposed to be sleeping, it's okay, as long as I'm quiet they'll think I'm asleep. So a lot has happened in my day since I finished the 2nd installment of my blog.

Mum took me down to the garage which means one of 2 things, car ride or the pram. The door to the car opens and I'm being put into my capsule, it's a good thing this seat has a 3 point safety harness, mum likes to think she is a bit of a rally car driver. I soon realise that we are in for a long drive so I figure I may as well kick back and relax and have a bit of a snooze, as soon as mum gets off the freeway my eyes are open wide and I realise that time is running out for my poonami, best get onto it, I know how much mum loves it when I poo in the car seat.  Ah there I go, that feels better!

She stops the car and puts me in the boot to change my stinky nappy, what a shame, she put the nappy on well and there was no leakage today. Oh well there is always next time. We're at a park and I see all the big kids running around on the playground, I try jumping off mums lap to join them but she won't let me, she's such a party pooper. She leaves me alone for a minute with her Aunty Wendy and I try to escape from the pram, have never seen someone jump up so quickly to get me!

Mum comes back and she gives me this stick of green stuff to chew on, it's not all that tasty but it is better than chewing on my hand so I gnaw on it for awhile before playing the really fun game of dropping it so that mummy can pick it up and give it back to me. After awhile I am bored so I start to make my grunting noises, I know how much mum hates it when I make these noises, especially when out in public, I continue making them until I'm safely back in the car. Hehe I got my own way, home time!! 

I snooze again on the return home but I always know to wake up just before we get home when mum is stuck at the railway crossing. At this point I start to cry as I know this means mum will sing 'Old MacDonald' to me, she thinks I love this song but really I just love her making a fool of herself making silly farm animal noises.

Suddenly I'm back on my playmat but I think I'm feeling in a needy mood this afternoon so I cry until mum comes to pick me up. She thinks that I'm hungry (but I'm not) so she feeds me and then she thinks that I'm tired, but I'm not (ok really I am I'm just going to refuse to nap though). Back in the cot, but there is no way that I am sleeping, she tries to pat me to sleep for ages and then finally gives up, yay I win again!

Daddy is now home which means mummy palms me off to him for playtime, but daddy has jobs on so he takes me down to the garage and I get to help him instal my new car seat. It's oh so comfy and so very clean, can't wait to spew and poo in this seat, I bet this will make mum and dad really happy.

Dinner time is so much fun, I sit in my high chair and mum gives me some food to play with, it's great I get to make a mess and throw things on the floor and watch mum and dad pick them up for me, I will never tire of this game, but I bet they will! 

Bath time comes next which means it's getting closer to bed time so time to start really playing up. I grizzle in the bath so daddy gets me out, mummy tries to dry me and get me in my pj's but I sook for her too so she starts singing Old MacDonald to me, I laugh at her silly farm animal noises and wriggle around as much as possible making it so hard for her to get me dressed. Mum feeds me and I'm almost asleep but as soon as she puts me in the cot I open my eyes wide and drop the bottom lip, she's tried to put me to bed without my goodnight story. I'm allowed up again and we snuggle in the chair reading some stupid book about a cat in a hat, the pictures are no fun at all but mum seems to like reading it and I pretend to enjoy as it means delaying my bed time.

Finally in bed and I decide to play nice, I give mum a big smile as she tucks me in and I don't even try to cry as she leaves the room. I'll save the trouble for tomorrow night when daddy is in charge!

Blog by Baby - 2nd Instalment

It's now 9am and I'm awake for the 2nd time this morning. Mum comes in to rescue me from my straight jacket and I give her some really cute super big smiles, she must think this is really cute because she runs off to get the camera so she can take photos of me. Sometimes I think I must be a celebrity with how often she takes photos. 

She gives me a big kiss and she smells like coffee, I don't know why she drinks that stuff, it stinks but she says something about coffee helping her get through the day.

Mum takes me into her room and let's me roll around on the bed whilst she gets dressed, funny how her bed doesn't resemble a prison. We then play a game where we pull funny faces at these people that look at us from the wardrobe door, these people look a lot like mummy and me, not quite sure who they are or what they are doing in my house.

I wonder what we will do today, every day is a surprise in my house. I get another feed, a little play on my mat where I chat loudly to my toys, do a few more spews, just to keep mum on her toes. Nappy change time again and mummy says 'no poo, just a wet one', that's right mum, I'm saving my poo's for next time we have to go in the car. She starts dressing me in a cute outfit and puts a cape on me (I think she calls it a bib) this must mean we're going somewhere, woohoo! Hopefully we are going somewhere in the car, it's been awhile since I did a nappy explosion and I'm feeling in the mood to really test out mum's patience today. 

Gotta run, we're on the move, I'll update you later on the rest of my day...

Guest Blogger - Blog by Baby!

Mia asked if it would be okay for her to be my guest blogger for the day, seeing as she asked so politely of course I had to say yes!

A day in the life of a 5 month old baby - by me (baby Mia)

Every day starts in exactly the same way, I wake up in this thing my mum calls a cot, I liken it to a prison as it has high bars ensuring that I cannot escape (well not for now anyway, just wait). I look around my room and stare at the camera attached to my cot, yes I know that big brother (aka mum) is watching me as I sleep. But I have them fooled, if I roll all the way down to the end of the cot and lie sideways then the camera can't see me and I have them fooled! Dad panicked a little the first time I did this!

Mum comes in at 6.15am on the dot (you could set your watch by her) and I give her a cute smile, after all she is my food source and I'm pretty hungry so I don't want to upset her just yet. She unzips me from my straight jacket and I'm free, finally can get my feet into my mouth again, these things are so tasty. Mum picks me up and gives me big cuddles and starts babbling on about something, I start sucking on her neck hoping she'll get the picture that I'm starving, stop messing around and feed me already. Mum takes me to the couch and assumes the feeding position, I make some grunting noises to express my impatience and finally the boob is out and I have milk. I'm pretty hungry so for the next 15mins or so I guzzle down my brekky whilst trying to put my hand in mums mouth.

After brekky mum always talks baby talk to me, I don't know why she feels the need to speak like this to me, I am smarter than the average baby, I do understand adult talk. She asks me to give her a kiss so I plant a big sloppy one on her cheek, she loves it when I do this, it puts a huge smile on her face. Then we're off back to my bedroom for a nappy change, it's about time, I've been in this wet thing all night. I like to make the nappy change process as difficult as possible, I bend my legs when she wants them straight and then straighten them when she wants them bent and of course I have to try to eat both of my feet at the same time.

Jobs are now done which means playtime for Mia! Yay, time to terrorise the toys on my playmat. I roll around attacking my toys whilst mum is talking to me from the kitchen as she makes her brekky. She turns her back on my for one minute so I decide to play a new game called 'Hide & Seek' I roll under the couch and decide that whilst I'm under here I'll spew up half of my milk and then roll around in it. Mum comes back over and finds me playing in my spew, I can tell she's not happy with me as she cleans both me and the floor, but she keeps smiling at me anyway.

We're on the move back to my bedroom and mum changes me into a nice fluffy clean jumpsuit, I wait until she's finished doing up all the little buttons and then I spew up some more brekky. This time she just gets a cloth and wipes it off though, what a shame, I was hoping for 3 ruined outfits before 7am. She says something about today being a long day which confuses me as I'm pretty sure all days are the same length. I wait until she turns her back and then I grab her phone and shoot off a text message to Pa Mick, he loves it when I send him texts and he things I'm pretty clever that I know how to use a phone (ok secret is out Pa, I don't really send them silly! Mum sends them pretending to be me). 

Mum gets a book out and starts reading to me, uh oh, I know what this means, it must be soon be time to be back in the straight jacket and into the cot, maybe if I'm really attentive and be really good whilst mum reads to me then she'll let me stay up. No such luck, the book is finished and it's back to bed for me, I behave and go to bed smiling at mummy, I used to protest a little but I soon learnt that even if I protest she still makes me go to sleep so I may as well just go to sleep quietly, after all the quicker I go to sleep the quicker I can get back up and terrorise my toys again.

To be continued after my nap...

Advice, the useful and the not so useful!

BAnnouncing a pregnancy to the world is like sending out an invitation asking for advice, however you didn't ask for any advice yet everyone seems to provide it to you anyway.  Some of this advice is useful and you are grateful for receiving it, other advice you just listen to and politely nod, thanking the person for this completely useless advice. The advice doesn't stop once you've had the baby either, in fact people suddenly feel the need to offer you more advice, everyone has an opinion as to how you should be raising your child because of course anyone that has already had a child is suddenly the expert in babies!

The most useful advice received

1. Approach child birth like a triathlon, go into it with a race day plan but be prepared to change this plan at the last minute should the conditions not be what you had expected (thanks Jacqui).

Extremely useful advice for any pregnant ladies! There is no point spending hours on a detailed birth plan, sure know what you feel strongly about and share this with the birth team but on the day be prepared to change your plan should you need to, at the end of the day all you will care about is ensuring the safe arrival of your precious baby.

2. The best advice I received whilst pregnant was from an eccentric dentist who was the father of 4 children.  He said to me "don't listen to anyone's advice on raising a child and don't compare your child to any other as all children are different". How very true! I have taken to raising my daughter the same way I would approach a problem solving exercise, I use trial and error! I certainly do listen to the advice of others but as all babies are different what works for one won't necessarily work for another. 

3. There is no need to sterilise bottles used for expressed milk (advice from a midwife in the early days). This advice early on has probably saved me countless hours of time sterilising everything.

4. "You will be a great mum, not because you will always know what to do but because you will always figure it out". Awesome advice from my best friend and so very true. It's been a huge learning curve since bub came along and she certainly didn't come with an instruction manual but somehow you do just figure it out! Words of encouragement such as these always go a lot further than unwanted advice!

5. Make the cot up with a mattress protector and a sheet, followed by another mattress protector and a sheet. That way if during the night there is a mess and you need to change the sheets you can just rip off the top layer and you have a ready made cot underneath. A very handy tip from an experienced mum!

The not so useful advice

1. Sleep when the baby sleeps, everyone loves to provide this advice to new mums, but how do you sleep when the baby sleeps when you have a baby that likes to take cat naps during the day and you never know how long they will sleep for. Not sure about everyone else but I can't just will myself to go to sleep at any time of the day, by the time I lie down and unwind it can often take awhile to actually fall asleep and by that time the baby is probably about to wake up. Also if I sleep when the baby sleeps then when does the housework and other tasks get completed??

2. When seeing baby sucking on hand "She must be teething". When baby is crying "She must have wind". When having baby standing up "Don't do that, it's bad for their legs". All of the comments you receive because as a new mum you of course mustn't have any clue about your own baby.

3. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. This advice doesn't go down so well with me, as I always strive to be the best at what I do and motherhood is no exception to this, in fact with motherhood I put even more pressure on myself as this is the most important job I will ever have in life. I want to be the best mum I can possibly be and raise my little girl to be the best woman she can possibly be.

Returning to work

I have always been a very career driven person and have worked hard to get to where I am with my career. Before having Mia I thought that I'd be bored staying at home with a baby and wanting to return to work as soon as possible, how wrong was I! Whilst I don't think I could ever be a full time stay at home mum (I admire those that are - it's not an easy job) the thought of returning to work and leaving my little girl in childcare brings a tear to my eye, actually I lie, the thought of it makes me cry, full on sobs that require tissues! Sure I am looking forward to returning to work for the mental stimulation and the adult interaction and so that I can regain some of 'me' again. But I am not looking forward to someone else caring for my daughter, comforting her when she is upset, being there to witness any first milestones that I am missing out on (crying again even as I write this - keeping Kleenex in business!). I want to be the one who puts her down for naps giving her a kiss before she goes to sleep, I want to hold her in my arms and hug her when she is upset and I want to see her crawl for the first time and take those precious first steps, I want to be there and show her how proud her mummy is of her.

I worry that we won't have the strong mother daughter bond that I so long for with her because I've left her in the care of others. Yet at the same time I want her to grow up and see me as a role model, someone that she aspires to be, someone that has been able to balance a career with family.  I don't want her to grow up with memories of mum never being there for her because she was always at work. I also wonder about whether the stresses of work will impact on the precious time that I do get to spend with her.

I worry also about my career and whether I will be focused enough to deliver the same results I have always delivered in the past or will I be too preoccupied with thinking about my baby girl. I've always been the person that somehow manages to do everything, those that know me well know that I am not one to ever sit still. I'm always doing something and often doing multiple things at once, however can you truly be successful at everything when trying to do too much? I've always thought, sure I can do it all and I'm sure that I can, the question is how well will I do it all? I also don't like to do things in halves so of course I want to be employee of the year and at the same time super mum. I don't want people at work to think I've dropped the ball since becoming a mum yet at the same time I want to be the super mum that bakes and makes homemade play dough!

I look back at times in my life where I have tried to take on the world, for this certainly isn't the first time I've juggled many things at once. In high school I was determined to achieve the best VCE results possible whilst working part time and competing in athletics and swimming. During university I again was determined to achieve the best results I could whilst juggling 3 part time jobs. As I started my career I decided it was also the perfect time to pursue my dream of triathlon whilst also completing my CPA, and in more recent years I juggled a career whilst training for an ironman. As I reflect upon each of these times I realise that in all of these instances I did manage to achieve everything that I set out to achieve, however in each of these instances I had always prioritised and there was always one thing that was the most important at the time. You can work hard to juggle everything but at the end of the day you still need to be able to prioritise, something always has to be number one priority, it doesn't mean that you can't still do well at everything else but you need to be clear in your mind what that number one priority is, the one thing you won't compromise on, for me now that is my role as a mum.

As my return to work is now only a matter of weeks away I take comfort in understanding my own ability and knowing what I am capable of. I am an extremely driven and determined woman and I will attack my career with the same level of determination and enthusiasm that I have always shown, yet this time it won't be my number one priority. My little girl will forever now be number one and if that means having to make compromises along the way then so be it. I'm never going to look back and wish that I had have worked harder at my career but if I let my career be my number one focus I will one day look back and regret not being the best mum to my daughter.

What was harder? Childbirth or completing and Ironman?

Some time ago I blogged an entry contemplating which would be harder, having a baby or completing an Ironman distance triathlon. I am now able to look back and compare the two (disclaimer: this is a representation of my own personal experiences so don't take any advice from this. Individual experiences may vary greatly!!)

The training & preparation for the big event.

I definitely preferred training for an ironman rather than the 9 months of pregnancy! Whilst training for Ironman I was the fittest I had ever been, I looked good in my bathers at swim training and had a tan for the first time in my life, even if it did come with the terrible tan lines that only a cyclist manages to achieve. I could eat as many carbs and as much icecream as I wanted as I was burning so many calories in training. 

I hated my 9 months of pregnancy, the only enjoyment was knowing that at the end I was going to meet my beautiful baby girl and I did also love every time I got a sneak peak of her at the ultrasounds. Otherwise my pregnancy was not much fun at all, I constantly felt queasy and at times actually vomited (especially in the last trimester) I craved lots and lots of carbs but eating them was making me gain weight rapidly, I attempted swimming to try to keep a little active but looked like a beached whale in my bathers. I gained so much weight that it hurt to even walk in the end!

The big day!

The ironman race had a specific day with a specific start time, in the lead up I was anxious and nervous but felt prepared as I had trained hard. The event itself was tougher than I expected and by the last 10km of the run every little step was a massive effort but I always knew exactly how much further I had to run.

Whilst there is a due date for babies to be born on it is not very often that they actually arrive on this date and I was no exception with my little miss deciding she was far too comfy in her warm little home and arrived 8 days late. In the days leading up to my due date I was nervous, anxious and extremely impatient, I was over being pregnant and wanted more than anything to meet my little girl and hold her in my arms. I had no idea what to expect with labour so in the days leading up to the birth every time I felt a pain I thought that I could be in labour.  After a few false alarms and many acupuncture treatments I was finally in labour, I don't know when it exactly started and I had no idea how long it was going to go for. When I initially went to the hospital they told me that I was only a couple of cm dilated so I should just go home. I went home for a little while before starting to feel a lot of pain and headed back to the hospital. I had no idea how many more hours I was likely to endure this pain for and to be honest I didn't think I could keep this up for hours and hours as the pain was intense. After about an hour at the hospital they finally found me a room and I had decided at this point that I wanted drugs! Unlike an ironman event where drugs are not permitted I wanted to throw my natural birth plan out the window and take whatever drugs I could. But there were to be no drugs as I was about to deliver this baby, my labour had clearly progressed quite quickly and there was no time for drugs, or for Luke to run back to the car to get my bag and the camera. The labour pains and the pain of pushing out a 3.88kg baby were intense and there were times when I thought I couldn't do it, but unlike an Ironman where you can choose to pull out at any time during the race, this was one event that there was no retiring from!

The finish line

At the finish line of the ironman I hobbled across the line, completely exhausted and received my finishers medal and towel. I could barely walk and the first thing on my mind was icecream, lots of icecream! I had completed my biggest challenge to date and as tired as I was I was pretty proud of myself. I was now an Ironman!!

At the end of my labour I got to hold my beautiful baby girl in my arms, I can't even describe the feelings that I felt when I held her in my arms for the first time. I was absolutely exhausted, extremely emotional and overwhelmed with the love I felt for this baby that I had created and grown. This was a much better reward than a finishers medal and towel! I was now a mum!

After the event

In the days after the ironman I felt sore and could barely walk, I slept like a baby from pure exhaustion and I got to party! I also put on a few kg's as I wasn't training and I was probably over indulging just a little at plenty of end of year parties.

In the days after giving birth I felt a bit sore, I had lost 8kg's immediately and plenty more dropped off fairly quickly, I didn't get much sleep as I had to care for my baby and feed her and there was certainly no partying to be had. But who needed to party when I could spend all day cuddling my beautiful baby girl in my arms. 

Whilst it had always been a goal of mine to complete an ironman triathlon the achievement doesn't compare at all to having a baby, it doesn't even come close. Being able to call myself a mum is a far greater reward than being able to call myself an ironman.