I love my beautiful girl more than anything in this world, but truth be told I wasn't ready for a baby or the life that I now have. I fell pregnant having only been in a relationship for 6 months, and at the time it was a painful decision about what to do but in my heart I knew there was only ever one answer and that was to have the baby. I was happy, in love and whilst scared I was excited about becoming a mum as it was something I had always wanted. After getting through the initial shock that we were pregnant, we were both pretty excited. At 9 weeks though I had some bleeding and I knew something wasn't right, sure enough a scan the following day confirmed my worst fear, I had lost my baby. This was the hardest time in my life, I was so distraught by grief and I felt that the only way to ever be happy was to get pregnant again, holding a baby in my arms was the only way to cure my grief. In hindsight I should have sought help to deal with my grief. I should have realised that maybe this was a sign that I wasn't ready to have a baby, I wasn't in the right relationship. But at this point in my life I didn't think at all with my head, I let my heart rule the way and I became pregnant again very quickly. Now 3 years on I am a mum to a beautiful, independent and adventurous toddler, she is my absolute world and I now can't imagine a life without her. Yes I am now on my own, I juggle motherhood and a career as best as I can but I love my life
(most of the time).
