Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Another year older

So tomorrow I turn 35, yikes. I'm now officially mid 30's and one year closer to turning 40. When did this happen? 35 sounds old, when my parents were 35 they had 4 kids with me, the eldest already a teenager! As I sit here, relaxing on holiday in Bali with my almost 3 year old I find myself deep in thought on the eve of my 35th birthday. 5 years ago I celebrated turning 30 with a girls trip to Port Douglas where I'm sure each of us consumed our body weight in both cheese and wine! 5 years on I'm celebrating once again in a tropical location but girls trip has taken on an entirely different meaning as this girls trip is just me and my mini me. There will be no cocktails or cheese (ok maybe just a tiny bit). 
Is this what I envisaged my life looking like at 35, a single mum, training for a body building comp, frustrated by a career in the corporate world? If you asked me 10 years ago what my life would look like now I would have said that I'd be married with 2 kids, be in a successful career and have completed Hawaiian Ironman! 
I never did quite achieve my goal of Hawaiian Ironman, I did compete in one ironman event and after becoming a single mum I don't think I could ever find the time again to compete in triathlons competitively again. Hats off to the amazing mums who do! But am I disappointed, not at all. I'm happy that I completed one ironman and now I have found something new to train for. Something that is giving me a huge sense of satisfaction, fits in with my busy life, and I am genuinely passionate about! 
Do I wish I was married with 2 kids? Some days sure. There are days I long for another baby, a brother or sister for Mia, there are days that I wish I had someone to share my life with, the good times and the bad. But I'm happy, I'm happy that I have been blessed with a beautiful little girl, for there are so many people not as fortunate as me.
I guess some would say that I have a successful career, perhaps I do. Perhaps it depends on the criteria by which you judge a successful career. I've worked hard over the years as a finance professional, even managing to somehow strike that elusive work life balance (or have I? Does it even exist?). Yet I find myself craving something more. Do I really want to keep crunching numbers into excel spreadsheets for the next 20 years? I find myself contemplating an entire career change. Years ago I saw a physcic who told me that one day I would have a very successful business, something that would help others. Maybe she was full of shit, or maybe she was right. Maybe I need to take a leap and do something I'm truly passionate about. Maybe I should stop with the what if's and actually jump off that cliff so I don't wake up in another 10 years time with regrets.
At 35, my life isn't quite what I thought it would look like, but I'm happy. My life is good, I don't have any regrets, I choose to accept things that have happened and learn from life's lessons. Now let's see how the next 10 years shape up! Maybe I'll become hooked on body building comps, maybe I'll turn grey from the stress of a 3 year old becoming a 13 year old (the teenage years scare the crap out of me, give me a toddler any day!) maybe I'll take that leap and leave the corporate world. Who knows! As long as in 10 years time I'm still happy and healthy and loving a life of no regrets!