How to piss off a pregnant woman...

So at 37 weeks pregnant and feeling very much over the whole thing it is fair to say that I have become rather irritable and it doesn't take much to set me off.  However there are a few things that are really starting to piss me off, like when people say:

1. 'When are you due?' And then when I tell them they look at my huge belly and say 'oh wow you look ready to pop'

2. 'Has the baby dropped down yet' - no the baby hasn't dropped, she is pretty bloody comfy in there and making no sign of a quick exit

3. 'The doctors won't let you go overdue given how big the baby is and how little you are' - news flash, the doctors don't care how big the baby is unless they deem there to be a risk to either my health or the baby's health (on that note, must start researching how to elevate my blood pressure before doctors appointments!! - I can handle another 3 weeks of pregnancy but the thought of another 5 would be pure torture)

4. 'The baby will definitely come early' - given that my family has a long history of overdue babies and that first babies are more than likely to be overdue I am certainly not holding my breath for an early arrival, so neither should you.

5. 'Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing, I loved being pregnant' - if you haven't been pregnant in the last 25 years then you probably can't remember your pregnancy, and even if you did think pregnancy was a glorious time in your life, I don't, I am hating almost every minute of it.  I am just looking forward to the best present ever at the end of it.

To my little girl

To my baby girl,

It's now only a few weeks before mummy and daddy will get to meet you, we can't wait to hold you in our arms and to see what you look like.  Will you have lots of hair (more than daddy!) or none at all, will you have mummy's dimples, who will you look like?

I wonder who you will take after, whether you will be energetic and always on the go like mummy or more relaxed and laid back like daddy.  Daddy has visions of you being a sporting superstar, he doesn't mind what sport (as long as it's not power walking).  He's already volunteered to give up his lifetime of Saturdays to be able to take you to play sport. I see you being a little water baby and swimming with mummy in the pool, we already have bathers for you ready for the summer time.

Daddy has put me in charge of education, swimming and cycling (because yes mummy did beat daddy on the bike when we first met each other) daddy is in charge of teaching you everything else! I can't wait to buy you your first bike (the pink one that I never had).

Daddy can't wait until you are walking so that he can dress you in little overalls (pink ones, not the brown ones my mummy used to dress me in) and gumboots and take you to Bunnings on a Saturday morning. He wants to buy a house for our little family, one with a big enough backyard so that he can grow a veggie patch with you.  

I want you to be you, whoever you may be. I want you to grow up to be strong and independent, caring and loving with strong values, I hope that I can teach you to be these things.

I love you little girl

Mummy

xxx

4am

It's 4am and I'm awake for the 3rd night in a row, I'm tired, my hips are aching and my heartburn has been keeping me up half the night.  My mind is running overtime with a million questions I should have asked the midwife when I was at the hospital today.  I feel depressed because tonight I discovered even more stretch marks and no matter how much research I do on google there seems to be no remedy to remove stretch marks, these will forever be my scars that remind me of this beautiful thing I am doing.  I'm creating to do lists in my head of all the things I need to do before the baby arrives, it's my type A personality coming out, I need to be organised as it allows me to feel that I have some form of control over this situation for which I know I really have none.

When we saw the midwife today she tried to push out my due dates and Luke thought I was going to punch her! Whilst one part of me wants her to come quickly so I can meet her, the other part of me wants her to hurry up and get out of me so that my body stops aching, so that I can enjoy food again without it coming back up, so that she doesn't grow too big in there.

I feel her moving around inside and I know she too is getting uncomfortable as there is not much room left in there for her to wriggle around anymore, her feet kick me in the ribs and her little elbows try to push their way out. I think about how amazing it is that I have a little human growing inside of me, a mini me! I think about all the things I want for my little girl in her life, of who she might turn out to be.

Mixed Emotions

Day 4 of my mat leave and all this free time allows my mind to work overtime!  Part of me can't wait to meet my little girl, I am so excited to see what she looks like and finally hold her in my arms for the first time. I can't wait to bring her home and show her all the love we have for her and the wonderful nursery we've created for her.

Then there is the part of me that starts thinking about the labour and how petrified I am to actually go through the birth and bring her into the world, although upon reviewing the 32 week scan her head is normal size, it's just her belly that's off the charts for size and apparently head size is the only thing to worry about (I'm not so convinced). I know that women go through child birth every day and that our bodies were made for this so called amazing thing, but it doesn't mean I can't be absolutely s**t scared of my body being torn apart to bring life into this world.

Then I start thinking about what happens when I bring her home from hospital, what if I have no idea what to do, what if I am a terrible mum.  I've always been so in control of my life, from my education to my career and my sporting achievements, I've always had so much control over all of these elements.  For the first time ever I am going to have no control and it scares me. 

I think about my body (I know this sounds vain), am I ever going to get my old body back, will my stretch marks ever fade away? Some women will criticise me for even thinking this, tell me that the extra flab on my belly and thighs, the saggy boobs and the stretch marks are all just part of the experience and it is such a beautiful thing to be able to bring life into this world.  I used to pride myself on my fitness and now I look at old photos and wonder will I ever look like that again, will I ever get my fitness back.

I think ahead to next year when I return to work and wonder how am I going to juggle a career and motherhood and can I really do both well.  I feel guilty that I'm going to be putting my little girl into child care at only 6 months so that I can go back to work, to earn money to make sure she has the best possible life.  I worry that I won't be any good at my career because I'll spend all day thinking about my little girl, I worry that I won't be a good mum because I wont't be there for her when she needs a hug, I may miss out on those special first moments.

I've spent the past 8 months wishing time would hurry up so that I can hold her in my arms but now that it's so close I feel so scared. I always put so much pressure on myself to deliver the best I can in life, no matter what it is that I am doing, and motherhood is no different, I want to be the best mum that I possibly can.  I'm scared that I won't be and this is the most important job I'll ever have in my life.

Maternity Leave

Finally on maternity leave!  It feels great! Day 2 and so far it has been a very productive break from work!

Day 1

Housework

Laundry

Long walk

Massage

Coffee with a friend

Catch up with another friend

Afternoon nap

Tax returns done

Grocery shopping

Photos developed

Day 2

In true blog form I spent a lot of my day baking (after a well overdue haircut!).  Seeing as I can't really bike at the moment and baby is not quite here yet it felt like I should be true to this blog and do some baking!!  

I recently discovered the Natural Nutritionist website and some awesome recipes so I made some energy bars and a healthy chocolate slice.  I also made some pumpkin soup, prepared dinner and dessert for tonight and made some home made jam!!

Looking forward to a relaxing day at home tomorrow having a Scrapbooking day with mum.

Beer and Bubs

Luke went on a blokes birthing class entitled 'Beer and Bubs'! Held at a pub in South Melbourne it was a good opportunity for him to get a good understanding of what will happen during labour and how he can support me with what he should do and say and more importantly what he shouldn't do and say!! He came home very enthusiastic with a page of handwritten notes, the first of which being 'Do not coach her'!  He also announced that if he had to massage me for a whole 12 hours of labour then he would (wish I had have had a tape recorder to record that!!). We are both so excited, hurry up little girl.

Baby Shower

Was completely overwhelmed today when bubba and I were showered with love and gifts by my amazing friends and family.  I am truly blessed to have such amazing women in my life, and my little girl is going to have such amazing role models in her life.  Definitely feeling very real now and only one more week at work.

Big Bubba!!

Had another scan at 32 weeks to make sure everything was looking okay with jelly beans kidney, we were pretty excited to get to see our little jelly bean again!  At the scan she was not so much a little jelly bean anymore but rather a whopping big baby girl, measuring in the 90th percentile for weight, already weighing approx. 2.2kg or 4.8 pounds. With another 8 weeks still to go and this being the time that baby usually puts on the most amount of weight I am starting to get very nervous about the birth.  It is perfect timing that today I have a birthing class which helps to out my mind at ease a little about the birth, and apparently the weight means nothing and can be incorrect, all that matters is bubs head size!!  Can't wait to meet my little girl, let's hope she doesn't put on too much weight these next few weeks.

All time low

I hit an all time low in my pregnancy.  They say that morning sickness is usually only in the first trimester, however I had it in my first, second and now again in my third.  Only the sickness I have now comes with severe vomiting, like gastro kind of vomiting as opposed to just nausea. I left the house this morning feeling pretty average but had plans and wasn't letting pregnancy get in the way!! I drove down the street when I started feeling extremely sick and before I knew it I had thrown up in the car, all over me and all over the car.  I turned around, drove back home and told Luke to meet me downstairs with a towel, poor guy prob thought I was in labour!! He took one look at me and the car covered in vomit and did what any good boyfriend would do, cleaned it up whilst I went upstairs to clean myself!!  I'm hoping that it is true when they say that sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy, hopefully she is one healthy bub!