Time to be me!!

Here I sit 30,000 feet in the air with a small sweaty child fast asleep in my lap, one chubby little hand resting on my arm with the other at her mouth as she sucks on her thumb. I sit watching her sleep and wonder how I got here, how my life went from travelling overseas carting a bike bag to travelling to Noosa with a pram and an infant. We've just had the most beautiful week away enjoying some precious mother daughter time in the sunshine, away from all of the stresses of day to day life where the only decisions we needed to make each day was where to have our morning coffee and babycino. I love my little girl more than anything in the world but as we sit here now, me willing her to stay asleep so that she doesn't annoy the uptight couple to the left of us, I think about my old life. A life filled with training long hours, working even longer hours, being spontaneous, socialising over wine and good food. It's amazing how something so small can change your life so quickly and so drastically. Whilst I wouldn't change anything about my life (asides maybe winning lottery and moving somewhere on the beach!) I find myself at times missing me, not necessarily missing my old life but missing 'me'. I feel I am now suddenly defined as a mum, that when I gave birth the old me disappeared and I suddenly just became a mum and that was who I would be from now on. I find myself making career decisions not based on what is best for me but what is best for my family, I no longer spend hours training and keeping fit, but rather try to cram in 40mins at the gym on a lunch break. I am envious of those friends that are still childless that can enjoy the luxury of a weekend sleep in, can laze around having brunch and reading the newspaper and can spontaneously go out for dinner and drinks to fancy restaurants.

My daydreaming is suddenly interrupted by a sudden wetness and warmth seaping into my shorts as I realise that the small sweaty infant in my lap has just weed on me, I regret now not having changed her nappy before we got onto the plane, though I am thankful that it's only wee and nothing else! As a piercing scream from another child startles the one on my lap I am quickly bought back to the reality of motherhood, changing nappies, singing songs, playing games and doing anything to keep her happy for the remainder of the flight.

As I disembark the flight I vow to be the best mum I can possibly be to my daughter but I also now make a promise to myself to regain some of me. For regaining my own identity will only make me a better mother and role model to my gorgeous little girl. It's time to stop feeling selfish for having time to be me, to dust off the bike and get back on the road!