4am

It's 4am and I'm awake for the 3rd night in a row, I'm tired, my hips are aching and my heartburn has been keeping me up half the night.  My mind is running overtime with a million questions I should have asked the midwife when I was at the hospital today.  I feel depressed because tonight I discovered even more stretch marks and no matter how much research I do on google there seems to be no remedy to remove stretch marks, these will forever be my scars that remind me of this beautiful thing I am doing.  I'm creating to do lists in my head of all the things I need to do before the baby arrives, it's my type A personality coming out, I need to be organised as it allows me to feel that I have some form of control over this situation for which I know I really have none.

When we saw the midwife today she tried to push out my due dates and Luke thought I was going to punch her! Whilst one part of me wants her to come quickly so I can meet her, the other part of me wants her to hurry up and get out of me so that my body stops aching, so that I can enjoy food again without it coming back up, so that she doesn't grow too big in there.

I feel her moving around inside and I know she too is getting uncomfortable as there is not much room left in there for her to wriggle around anymore, her feet kick me in the ribs and her little elbows try to push their way out. I think about how amazing it is that I have a little human growing inside of me, a mini me! I think about all the things I want for my little girl in her life, of who she might turn out to be.