Miss Independent

As I watch my little girl grow more and more each day, I see her independence strengthen by the minute and I realise quickly that the young girl I see in front of me is just a pint sized version of myself. From a young age I've always been fairly independent. My parents raised me to be a strong and independent young woman.

Unfortunately sometimes I think perhaps I'm too independent, it's not always a positive trait. I struggle to ask others for help, for I am too proud and have to do everything myself. Yesterday as someone offered to give me a hand carrying my bags I politely declined and then I heard a little parrot pipe in "we're all good, thanks" at 2, she is already turning down assistance and insisting on doing everything on her own. I suppose I should at least be grateful that she used her manners!

I often find it hard to let others in, sure I have amazing friends but I often keep them at an arms length and don't share a lot of my feelings with them. I'd rather people see me as strong and independent with no weaknesses. I often believe that the reason I am single is because I'm too independent, I like my life the way it is, I like doing what I want and went I want. Perhaps that's just known as selfishness as opposed to being independent, maybe.

I'm self sufficient and have been for a long time, I earn my own money, I can change a tyre on my car, I can fix my bike, in most aspects of life I'm pretty good at fending for myself. I've always thought it's a great thing to be self sufficient and independent but as I watch my little girl grow I realise that it's not all it's cracked up to be. It's my job to teach her that independence is good, but it's also good to let others in to help you. Don't put up you wall so high that no one  can ever climb over, don't keep your friends at arms length, let them in for the good and the bad. Be self sufficient but don't be too proud to be resourceful and seek help from those around you.

Choices

We make choices every single day of our lives, sometimes these are just small choices like; what to eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear to work, to exercise or not to exercise, to make or buy lunch. Whatever it may be it all comes down to choice, and the choice is always your choice! So often lately I hear people complaining that they don't have time to exercise, there isn't enough hours in the day. Everyone has 24 hours in a day, no more, no less and everyone has the choice as to how they use those hours. Usually it comes down to your priorities and what you choose to prioritize over something else. Never say you didn't do something because you didn't have the time, you chose not to do something because you chose to do something else.
We also have choices in life as to how we react to certain situations, the behaviours we display. We can choose to be negative, to gossip, to blame others. Or we can choose to be positive, take responsibility for our own actions and compliment others. It's so often too easy for people to lay blame on someone else when life doesn't go the way you wanted it to or planned for it. Afterall it's easier to blame someone else than to take ownership of your own actions. It's easier to play the victim and receive sympathy from others than to look at yourself in the mirror and say "shit, I screwed up my life"
It takes a strong person to admit their mistakes, to realise that it's their choices that led them to where they are in life right now. Unfortunately there are far too many weak people out there, these people will always complain there are not enough hours in the day, that nothing is ever their fault when life goes wrong. They will also always be miserable in life because they don't own their life, they don't own the choices that they make.
So next time you make a choice, remember it is always YOUR CHOICE.
Choose to do what makes you happy, choose to live your life the way that you want to live it, choose to prioritize what's important to you and make it happen.

Time to slow down

I'm known as someone who doesn't have a slow speed, I'm always on the go and trying to do a million things at once. On vacation in Hawaii once, a local told me I was walking too fast and that it was a crime in Hawaii!

The other day I realised just how precious time with my little girl is and that its okay to slow down and enjoy time with her and not have to be trying to do everything all at once. So this morning I did everything at her pace and also everything that she wanted me to and I had the best morning as a mummy in a long time. She was happy and I was happy. We rode our bike to the cafe and enjoyed sitting next to each other chatting away as we ate. When we got home I happily obliged to help her bath her babies and get them ready for bed. I love her motherly instincts and watching her with her baby dolls. She made me my pretend coffee, fed me pretend ice creams and gave me a pretend haircut. I endured half an hour of Peppa Pig as she lay snuggled in my lap, I breathed in the smell of her hair and held her chubby little hands. Even when I put her down for a nap, instead of rushing back downstairs to do jobs, I lay down next to her for a few minutes, holding her in my arms and telling her the story of when she was born. According to her, it got too dark in my tummy and she kicked her way out!

She was happy and perfectly behaved all morning, because I was 100% present the whole time. It's taken time, but she's making me realise the importance of slowing down and truly appreciating living in the moment. Thankyou my little girl, for teaching me what's important in life, for being patient with me and sharing your beautiful world with me.

The new challenge

I've been somewhat secretive about my new training challenge, most have now put two and two together but for those still in the dark, yes I have decided to enter a body sculpting comp! Why? Why not! Common words to describe me are determined, motivated and competitive! I'm always up for a good challenge and it's been awhile, 5 years ago to be exact since I stepped out of my comfort zone and embarked on my last big challenge. For years I've toyed with the idea of maybe entering a comp, I've always had the ability to build muscle fairly easily so it seemed like a logical challenge. But it's something I've only now finally decided to do seriously. I've been training towards it for the last 14 weeks, but a part of me kept telling myself that I would just do the training, get my body to the point I could do a comp but not actually do the comp. I love the training, but the thought of getting up on stage in a skimpy bikini and attempting to walk in high heels as I'm being watched and judged scares the crap out of me. Not to mention the prospect of looking like an Oompa Loompa with all that fake tan!!

But last week it suddenly dawned on me that in 6 months I turn 35, yikes! Surely it hasn't been 10 years since I turned 25 and suffered my quarter life crisis, is it too early for a mid life crisis?!

So with my 35th birthday now only 6 months away I've decided to commit to doing a comp and what better day to do one than the day after my birthday. At least I can then celebrate with champagne and cake after the comp!!

Am I crazy, probably, am I determined to give this a go, absolutely. The next 6 months will test me both physically and mentally but I'm up for the challenge and maybe ticking something off the bucket list won't make turning 35 seem quite so bad afterall.

It's ok to say no sometimes

I've often found it difficult to say no to people, I used to find myself saying yes to everything and everyone and over committing myself. Since becoming a mum I've finally started to feel more comfortable in saying no to people (perhaps it's a more common word in my vocabulary after dealing with a toddler!) I've often felt guilty when saying no, recently however, I attended a Buiness Chicks function where Zoe Foster Blake was speaking and she spoke about how when you say no to others you are actually saying yes to yourself. By not prioritizing doing something for someone else you are preserving time to do something for yourself. I'd never really looked at it that way before, but as I often find myself verging on the edge of overload this has been extremely useful advice to take in and last night I needed to give myself a kick up the bum and remind myself of this very advice. I was recently given an opportunity at work that could have been great for my career (it also could have completely set me up for failure), I made the conscious decision to say no and ever since, have felt guilty and worried that perhaps this could have been a career limiting move. It was only after talking to my dad last night (a great man of so much wisdom) that I realised yet again that it was ok to say no. With so many other priorities on at work at the moment, not to mention my priority to be the best mum I can be to my daughter I said no to ensure I kick ass at being a mum. Which right now is feeling pretty bloody tough when I'm also faced with sleep deprivation due to a toddler who now seems scared to go to sleep.

Sure sometimes my decisions may reflect poorly on the eyes of others, but right now at this point in my life there is only one set of eyes that are important to me, those big blue eyes of a 2 year old little girl looking up at me.

She is the reason I find myself saying no, because right now in my life she is my number one priority so I choose to say yes to things that make me a good mum, and if that means saying no to others then so be it. I've recently learnt to say yes to myself and reprioritize being fit and healthy because this makes me happy and being happy makes me a better mum. I found that I was prioritizing everything and everyone above my own needs and I didn't like the person I was becoming.

So if you find yourself in a situation where you feel guilty for saying no to someone, remember that you're actually saying yes to yourself. Prioritizing time is tough, even tougher when you've got little people that need your time to. Take a little time to prioritize you!

My Story

I thought long and hard about writing this blog, and then even harder about whether to post it or not. But here goes nothing.

I love my beautiful girl more than anything in this world, but truth be told I wasn't ready for a baby or the life that I now have. I fell pregnant having only been in a relationship for 6 months, and at the time it was a painful decision about what to do but in my heart I knew there was only ever one answer and that was to have the baby. I was happy, in love and whilst scared I was excited about becoming a mum as it was something I had always wanted. After getting through the initial shock that we were pregnant, we were both pretty excited. At 9 weeks though I had some bleeding and I knew something wasn't right, sure enough a scan the following day confirmed my worst fear, I had lost my baby. This was the hardest time in my life, I was so distraught by grief and I felt that the only way to ever be happy was to get pregnant again, holding a baby in my arms was the only way to cure my grief. In hindsight I should have sought help to deal with my grief. I should have realised that maybe this was a sign that I wasn't ready to have a baby, I wasn't in the right relationship. But at this point in my life I didn't think at all with my head, I let my heart rule the way and I became pregnant again very quickly. Now 3 years on I am a mum to a beautiful, independent and adventurous toddler, she is my absolute world and I now can't imagine a life without her. Yes I am now on my own, I juggle motherhood and a career as best as I can but I love my life

(most of the time).  

Gym etiquette!

So I've recently reignited my love for training. I've always loved to keep fit and for most of my 20's I trained for triathlons, however after completing an ironman and retiring from triathlon I've been up and down with training. Being a single mum and working full time also doesn't allow a whole heap of time for training either, but with a new found focus and something new to train for I have found myself spending a lot of time at the gym lately. Not quite to the same levels of my early twenties when I was there so often my dad started telling people I had a new boyfriend and his name was 'Jim'! It never ceases to amaze me the people you see whilst working out in the gym, I've been getting my fix of people watching at the same time as working out. 

There are the girls with the faces full of makeup that walk at snail pace on the treadmill whilst texting or reading trashy mags, making sure they don't work up a sweat and ruin their makeup.

The guys that go in groups and spend more time checking out their muscles in the mirrors than actually lifting any weights.

The grunters, those that can't lift a single weight without the whole gym hearing them. Sure if you are doing an absolute max effort and exerting yourself, but the other day I thought I was in the gym with Maria Sharapova, when a girl was grunting with every single rep.

There are the show offs, the guys like one today who set the weights on the machine so high that they have to use the worst possible form to even make the weights move. 

The ones that sit on the equipment on their phone for longer than they actually use the equipment, ensuring they piss those off who are waiting for the machine. Or worse, the ones who talk to loudly on their phone, again whilst hogging equipment. 

Or my personal favorite is when you are in an empty gym, there are 30 treadmills and only one person on them, but the next gym goer has to come in and set up on the one right next to you.

Then of course there are those who don't wear enough deodorant (if at all), don't wipe their sweat off the equipment, don't re stack the weights, hog five pieces of equipment and one time and spend 10 minutes in the shower during peak hour when there is a line waiting outside.

I'm loving getting back into some serious training, and do always love a bit of good people watching, especially when it gives me enough content for a new blog post!