Being Strong

Strength isn't about the size of your muscles or the weight on the squat rack at the gym, its about the strength you carry within you. I use the gym often as my escape, a place to prove to myself that I am strong, as the weights get heavier and my muscles more defined I continue to tell myself how strong I am. And then I have a day like yesterday, a day where I crumbled and felt weak, I let my emotions and insecurities get the better of me.  Even a lunch time gym session didn't save me, the place that is usually my escape failed me, for the first time in months I couldn't even get through a full session, I felt defeated. A state of anxiousness had made me feel so sick that I felt weak at the gym and couldn't even stomach food.
I spent my day feeling angry, angry that I had let myself get worked up over something that I shouldn't, angry that I had cried instead of staying strong, angry that I couldn't push through a training session, angry that I let personal life interfere with my work. I started to wonder how strong I truly was, doubting and questioning so many aspects of my life. Then I got home, I cuddled that gorgeous little girl of mine and I slowly felt my strength returning, I never realised just how much strength she brings me. An early night and a good night sleep (aside from being woken at 12.30am by a toddler insisting it was breakfast time) and its amazing how much better you can feel.  A new day with new perspective, a chance to reflect on yesterday, realising that it's not worth allowing a few painful minutes ruin a day, a month, a year.  A new day to rise and be stronger than yesterday, a new day to be a better version of me, a new day to smash those weights at the gym (well maybe not today, it's actually a rest day). A day like yesterday doesn't make me a weak person, in fact it only makes me stronger and makes me refocus on what is truly important in my life.